RECAP :
The episode opens with Christian and Michelle decorating a christmas tree in the offices of McNamara/Troy, all cosy and loved up. They talk about finding the perfect Christmas tree and kiss. Sean enters, looking seriously depressed, and not happy to see the two lovebirds. He tells them he bought a lovely tree for his house because Annie was supposed to be coming to him for Christmas, but she has strep throat and her trip was cancelled. He asks Christian and Michelle to join him for Christmas eve, but they sheepishly tell him they are going to St Petersburg, an "impulse trip". Sean struggles to hide his disappointment and half-joking, asks can he come. Awkward silence. Christian changes the subject by telling Sean he has sent a consultation to his office, one he doesn’t want to deal with as it may be too tempting. Sean goes to his office and finds a present from Diane, the grieving mistress from the previous episode. It is an expensive bottle of whiskey, which he immediately starts drinking, out of a mug.
The patient is a woman going though a divorce who has problems reaching orgasm, or climbing the waterfall, as she puts it. She wants a g-spot amplification (!) and Sean, nicely drunk, does it as an outpatient procedure (which, in case you’re interested, involves an injection to swell the g-spot and make it easier to find). The woman orgasms on the operating table as Christmas music swells in the background. She tells Sean he is a good looking man, too good looking to be wearing dull brown Brooks Brothers suits. Wear Versace, she advises him.
Christian, meanwhile, is in his office memorising Russian phrases (I think!) for his upcoming trip. A knock on the door interrupts him, and a tall, handsome black man enters. He is James’ (Wilbur’s dad) son, come to tell Christian that his parents died in a car crash two weeks ago, and James has named Christian as Wilbur’s legal guardian in his will. Christian is shocked and asks why James didn’t leave Wilbur to his two sons. His son tells him they have lives and futures of their own to worry about, and if C doesn’t take Wilbur, he’ll go to a foster home. He is not mean about it, quite nice and understanding in fact. C says he loved Wilbur, and still does, but he is getting married and asks could Gina help out. Apparently James said in his will that he wanted Wilbur’s mother to have nothing to do with him. The scene ends with C looking unsure.
Cut to Sean striding along to the McNamara/Troy offices looking like a Gucci model in his new suit and shades. He has taken Ms. Orgasm’s advice and treated himself to a new suit for Christmas, since he has no one else to give presents to this year. He passes Reefer, a middle-aged homeless man who refers to Sean as Doc. The two obviously come into regular (or passing) contact, although I don’t ever remember seeing him in any episode. At first I thought Reefer was Sean’s gardener or something. Anyway, he tells Sean the clothes don’t maketh the man, or somesuch, and says just because Sean has money he is not automatically better than him, or anyone. Sean gives him a five dollar note, and after Reefer calls him an asshole, he tells him he has worked his whole life for his money, etc. Reefer asks can he have the old brown suits, and Sean tells him he knows he’ll only buy ’Jack’ with it (Daniels, presumably, and not a male prostitute). "You think Jesus likes you better because you’re rich?" asks Reefer. "No," says Sean, "You think he likes you better because you’re not?" Reefer tells Sean his new clothes don’t hide his pain. This scene is interesting, mainly because we know it is happening for a reason and will have greater significance later.
Christian and Michelle are in the office discussing Wilbur. C says he does not want the boy to go to foster homes--"I’ve been though it, I know what it’s like". Michelle is reluctant to take on Wilbur, she has just finished caring for her elderly husband, oh and killing him, which she conveniently forgets to mention. She asks why his mother can’t take him, and what would Christian do if he had to pick between Wilbur and her? C doesn’t answer but asks her to go along with it, at least for a while, and see what happens. Nurse Linda, looking fetching in Rudolph ears, enters and says there is a problem elsewhere in the building...
Cut to the lunch room, where Sean, Liz, Christian, Michelle and an FBI agent are standing around a cooked ham sitting on the table. The agent asks the docs do they know why Escobar Gallardo would send them a ham for Christmas. An innocent looking Christian and a sweaty (possibly drunk) Sean say they have no idea. Michelle says she is just glad it’s not a bomb. "Just when I started sleeping at night again," Liz says regretfully. The agent--who I think is more suspicious than the others realise--asks them why Escobar keeps coming back to our two boys. What reason could he have? he asks. Sean says he has no idea. Christian changes the subject by admiring Sean’s Gucci-ness. Smooth.
The agent tells them they are installing security cameras and that there will be agents surrounding the building for the near furure. Michelle, in particular, looks pleased with this, and we will soon learn why.
Ms. Orgasm is back and she’s angry. She is having non-stop orgasms (including one in her step class, how mortifying) because drunk Sean obviously messed up the procedure. She tells Sean (who is still swigging from the mug) she can smell the drink. Christian enters, soothing the patient and telling her he will reverse the procedure and throw in some free botox. She leaves satisfied (too satisfied, as her vibrating phone gives her another orgasm) and C asks Sean what the hell he is doing. He takes the drink away and asks Sean if he wants to lose his licence. "Why not," mumbles Sean, "I’ve lost everything else." C says he didn’t know Sean was this messed up. Sean gives out to Christian for not including him in his family plans with Michelle. "You were always part of my family," he says. "I guess it was stupid of me to think I would be part of yours." Christian leaves, angry.
Cut to his apartment, and Wilbur’s arrival, and possibly the cutest scene in Nip/Tuck, ever. I was glad to see Wilbur is the same, adorable baby, and that they didn’t switch him to some other child actor. He is three now and also the cutest thing EVER. He runs to Christian, hugs him and calls him Daddy. Christian cries and hugs him back. (Lets not dwell on the fact that a three year old would surely be more upset that the parents he has been living with most of his life are dead, and that he wouldn’t remember Christian much. The scene is too nice for cynicism.)
Sean, meanwhile, is operating on a Santa who came down his ex-wife’s chimney to a lighted fire, horribly burning his legs. The man is Poppy’s (Liz’s girlfriend) friend, and plays Santa to the kids in the mall every Christmas eve. Poppy is there for the surgery, although she doesn’t respond much to Liz’s enthusiastic hello. Sean (who seems to have sobered up) agrees to Poppy’s request to play Santa instead, as he has nothing better to do, and could do with some lovin’. Christian scrubs up and comes to help, telling everyone about Wilbur. He asks can he leave early to go to his lawyer and make Wilbur legally his, so he won’t lose him again. Sean tells him to go now, and he does, happily.
We then see James (not Wilbur’s Dad; Evil, kidney stealing James), who is still in recovery after last week’s operation on her face. She is, amusingly, reading a magazine called Doggies, or something. Michelle comes in and tells her to leave, reciting her usual ’Get out of my life’ mantra. James says she needs to fill her holiday organ quota, must be a busy time of year, kids asking Santa for a kidney to play with, and all. She tells Michelle she won’t turn her in because she has too much to lose. Michelle tells her there are agents surrounding the building and so no dodgy operations can take place, tough luck. James looks scared and then thanks Michelle for warning her. I kind of like James, I must admit, although just when I start to like her she does something even worse, as we shall see shortly.
Sean is doing a lousy job as Santa, he is drunk and grouchy. The kids are not pleased although one of the elves is, as she has her eye on Santa’s, er, pole. Sean, hilariously, asks her does she know Marlo, "my wife’s elf". She doesn’t, unfortunately. Maybe Sean wanted a threesome.
Christian comes along with the adorable Wilbur, to see Santa. Unfortunately, Santa is lying in his den getting a BJ from the enthusiastic female elf. Liz, Poppy (both of whom are helping, dressed as elves), Christian and Wilbur watch this scene with varying degrees of interest, disgust and horror. Very funny.
Christian is then at home, decorating a lovely tree with Wilbur. Michelle enters and falls in love with Wilbur at first sight, asking Christian why he didn’t tell her Wilbur was black. Christian says he doesn’t see his skin colour, only him. The three deocrate the tree, in manner of a Hallmark Christmas card.
Poor Sean is sitting on the beach in the dark in his ragged Santa suit, swigging whiskey from the bottle. A new low, we realise. Reefer comes up, bleeding from the head and with a broken nose. He asks Sean what he is doing, that he is better than this. Sean tells him he doesn’t care, he is in a black hole and falling deeper. Reefer tells him he tried to raise money to buy his daughter (in foster care) a present, by entering a street fight (which he thankfully didn’t lose, or he’d be dead, presumably). They talk for a while, obviously forming some sort of bond, and Reefer tells Sean things will get better, taking his drink from him and throwing it away. Sean offers to fix his face and they go to the office. Reefer puts his arm around Sean as they walk off.
In the office, Sean (again, suddenly sober) tells Reefer he can stay in recovery, as there is only one other patient there. Reefer looks like someone has just given him a million dollars. "A clean bed," he says, almost in tears. Awww. We like Reefer. Sean then gives him his address and tells him to call over tomorrow, if he wants, for a bite to eat. Reefer is obviously touched and delighted. Sean leaves, bumping into the other patient in recovery, Evil James. She has just received a call from the French-speaking Asian guy she gives the organs to. He says they will kill her if she doesn’t make up her deficit, he wants an organ tonight. James is terrified. Sean then walks in, and says there is another patient in the building, who needs a friend. "Don’t we all," says James, wheels turning. Uh-oh. Sure enough, she goes to Reefer (who is snuggled in his clean bed, looking slightly uncomfortable but heart-breakingly appreciative) and convinces him to share a drink with her. Reefer is reluctant, as he is off the drink, he says. They talk for a while, and it is clear Reefer is uncomfortable around James, clever man. He looks tired and sore. He takes the drink though, as James starts singing ’God Rest Ye, Merry Gentleman". Reefer starts to join in, and is soon passed out in his last ever clean bed. James continues singing as he passes out, her expression becoming sad as she touches his face.
Christian, Michelle and Wilbur are waiting for dinner in their apartment, chatting. Michelle’s phone rings, it is obviously James, wanting her help. She tells Christian a pipe has burst in a plant somewhere, he buys it, and she leaves.
When she gets to the surgery, an ugly sight awaits--James and one of the weird medical student/prostitutes (what, exactly, is the deal with these girls?) have literally emptied Reefer. His entire upper body skin has been removed and we can see an empty rib cage, heart cavity, etc. It’s pretty vile. Michelle, to her credit, is absolutely appalled. "How can you be such a monster, this was a human being," she tells James, crying. James says he had no family or friends, nothing to contribute to the world. Until now, that is. The girl who did the ’operation’ smuggles the organs past the FBI agents outside in a Gucci bag. James forces Michelle to chop up Reefer so they can take hm out and dispose the body. They do so, dressed as Santa, bits of Reefer in the toysacks. Sean, meanwhile, is dressing his tree and placing a present for Reefer under it. Gah!
The two Santas tell the suspicious agents they are delivering presents to the children’s hospital. Unbelievably, the FBI believe them (come on, it’s late at night, James is supposed to be a patient and the two look terrified) and they go on their merry way.
Christian has got tired of waiting for Michelle and he and Wilbur visit Unlce Sean. Sean hugs Wilbur. The three decorate Sean’s tree.
Two things stay with me from this episode: One, the acting and pacing was amazing thoughout, and the story-line was poignant and well written. Two, that the FBI may be on to Sean and Christian...I just think they have to be suspicious of the whole Escobar link, otherwise they’re not very good at being the FBI, are they?
James becomes more interesting, and in fact is more interesting and easier to like than Michelle is, I think. James is honest (to a degree). In this episode, as before, we see she is terrified of her bosses, and that’s what drives her. Michelle, meanwhile, is a hypocrite-telling James it is wrong every time, and then caving and doing it, crying. If she really thought it was wrong, she would sacrifice her money/life and go to the police. Obviously neither James or Michelle have much of a conscience, but James is more honest about it. Plus, Michelle killed her sick, old husband and removed his kidney. That’s just not nice, Michelle.
The Wilbur thing is adorable, and I hope they don’t take him away from Christian again, which would be horrible.
No sign of the highly annoying Kimber and Matt, thank God, although I see they are back next week. Yay. Escobar is back too though, which is great, because he’s always brilliant. Roll on the finale, they’re also always brilliant...
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